Birth Story Part 2 of ??

I think my DH's response to my question was "Huh? What? Are you serious?". Thankfully, at 2am in the morning, there is no traffic on the highway going downtown so it was only a matter of him getting up, getting dressed and then driving to the hospital. In the meantime, the nurse got a wheelchair for me and I was transferred to the labour and delivery side of the floor.

Finally...underway. And no induction required either!

I was checked into this tiny little labour room where I was promptly strapped down with fetal heart monitors and another monitor to record and measure contractions. I wasn't in too much discomfort yet but I was beginning to appreciate why epidurals were created in the first place and why women ask for them. My contractions were not yet painful but the pressure was becoming more and more intense and I had to focus more on breathing my way through them vs. chatting with my nurse.

At 3am, my DH arrived and joined me in labour and delivery. At this point we were transferred to another much larger labour room where we called our doula and waited for her arrival. At some point, I was checked again by the resident to see how far along I had progressed. I was now 3-4 cm dialated and almost fully effaced. For my first time, labour was progressing along really nicely and I was dilating at a good rate of about 1cm per hour. I did a quick mental calculation and determined that I would be 10cm dilated by about noon - a good ways away from 5am in the morning but you know what, the time went by pretty quickly.

Since I was attached to the monitors, I couldn't get up and move around freely but I asked to be taken off the monitors for at least a few minutes at a time so I could sit on a birthing ball or at least move around and relieve the aches of lying in bed in the same position for hours. The contractions continued to intensify and started getting painful. My goal all along was to make it into active labour before getting an epidural, that being 5-6cm dilated, since the hospital's strong recommendation was to have an epidural in the case of twins given the high incidences of medical intervention. By 9am, I was finding it really hard to breathe my way through the contractions. Interestingly enough, when I froze up and held my breath as it is so instinctive to do when in pain, the contractions felt even more painful and unbearable. However, when I focussed on taking slow, deep breaths like I would in meditation and hypnosis, the contractions were definitely more bearable.

Once it was confirmed that I was in active labour, I asked for the epidural. I was incredibly nervous about having it put in as the idea of having someone poking around in my spinal column just seemed so dangerous. Words like "paralysis" kept on floating around in my mind and were exacerbated by the full disclosure discussion the anesthesiologist had with me before he proceeded (i.e. all of the risks associated with the procedure). With my DH kneeling infront of me and my hands on his shoulders, I hunched over and waited for the epidural to be put in. We got to the critical part of the procedure where the doctor says "Now don't move under any circumstances" and I looked my DH in his eyes for support. Quite funny - at that exact moment, my DH's surgical mask that was hooked on over his ears, dislodged from one side and slowly swung open across his face. I could see in his eyes that he was thinking about fixing the mask but then I said to him "Do not move. Do NOT move." So we both stayed frozen in place and the epidural was put in and everything faded into wonderful numbness.

Photos and Birth Story - Part 1 of ??

Time is not my friend these days and I have been wanting to share my birth story with all of you along with some photos of the girls and I have decided to do a few minutes here and there and get down what I can in that time as opposed to nothing at all.

First of all, here are photos of my precious miracles:

Victoria:

Caitlyn:

I blog anonymously and for those of you who wonder what we look like, we have received the comment over and over again from friends and family that Victoria is a Mini Me DH and Caitlyn is a Mini Me Kayjay. :)

Onto the birth story...

As I had blogged before, that fateful Friday morning, I woke up and felt different. I had a low back ache and I felt crampy in my lower abdomen. Before, any back pain that I had was mid to upper back and due completely to how I was carrying the twins but this time, the ache was definitely lower down. These feelings persisted throughout the day but it subsided during the afternoon and then returned with increasing persistence in the evening hours. My DH and I were talking on the phone that evening and by mutual consent, we decided not to put off running some errands until the next morning "just in case". I still didn't know if this was labour or not but we wanted to be somewhat prepared just in case.

By 10pm that evening, I was definitely feeling uncomfortable. Every time I tried to lie down, I felt like my uterus was hanging by a thread and the effort it took to lie on one side or another made me feel like my belly was going to snap free from that tenuous little thread. So, I sat upright at the side of my bed and wondered if this was labour because other than being a little uncomfortable, I wasn't in any real pain. I also found that if I got up and walked around slowly, the feelings with abate a little. However, there was still something telling me that something wasn't right and I finally called the nurse at around 11:30pm. She thought at first it was false labour because if you can alleviate the "pain" simply by shifting positions, than what I was feeling weren't true contractions.

I lasted until about 1:30pm at which time I called the nurse again and had her page the on call resident. Something just wasn't right and I was beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable with each passing hour. I was having very irregular contractions at that point, some lasting a few minutes to others lasting a few seconds in no set intervals. The sensation of a contraction is much like period pains except for worse...kind of like a bearing down sensation that involves your lower abdomen and culminates into intense pressure "down there".

The resident came and checked me out and did an internal exam to determine whether or not I was in labour. Remember - with my ruptured membrane, internal exams are avoided as much as possible because the risk of infection increases with each exam. I wanted to be sure that I thought in my own mind that I was in labour before I took the chance of increasing infection.

I was already 2-3 cm dilated and effacement of my cervix (thinning of the membrane) was already well underway. I was officially in labour and not a day too soon - the girls waited until they were 34 weeks exactly before deciding that it was time to make their appearance into the world.

I called my DH at 2am and asked him the question I have been waiting 7 long years to ask - "Are you ready to meet the girls honey?"

To be continued...

Our Two Miracles Have Arrived!!!!!!!!!

Saturday February 6th at 7:01pm, Victoria made her appearance into the world followed closely by her sister Caitlyn at 7:05pm. No c-section was required although a vacuum was used to help Victoria along. Caitlyn decided not to remain head down and turned breech and was born doing the splits!

Mom had complications post delivery with hemorrhaging (details to come in a subsequent post) but has recovered and is now resting at home. Babies graduated from the NICU after just 2 days and are trying to stabilize their weight and jaundice in the Level II Nursery.

Mom and babies are doing well!

Feeling Crampy...

Yes, you read the title right. I woke up this morning with a mild low back ache and a crampy feeling in my lower uterus area. I constantly feel like I have to go to the bathroom (not in a UTI kind of way) as in there is downward pressure there. I don't think I am having contractions, but I know that low back pain and crampy feelings can be the first signs of labour. My discharge this morning was pinkish so of course I was wondering what "bloody show" looked like - was that was I was seeing in the toilet?

How do I feel about it? Nervous...tinged with a little excitement. I had butterflies when I realized this morning what I was feeling. I do want to meet our girls but at the risk of repeating myself over and over again, I just want to take them as close to term as possible. I had high hopes of taking them another 2 weeks but given the way I'm feeling right now, I'm not sure.

So here's a list of silly labour related questions that I was hesitant to put out there but will now just for the fun of it. You don't have to answer as some are really personal but I'm just curious:

1. How did you groom yourself "down there"?
2. Did you bother shaving your legs?
3. Did any of you worry about having a BM while pushing or did enough time pass so you didn't have to worry about having one?
4. Can I really be in labour given the silly questions I'm asking above??

So I wait...33w6d today.

NICU, pPROM & Maternity Photos

Where to start...lots to blog about today.

Maternity Photos

We had our maternity photos taken yesterday and for a brief time, I got to really revel in the pregnancy and just enjoy being pregnant without all of the worry over the past few weeks. The photos captured the pregnancy and all of our joy and anticipation about the girls; thankfully, it did not capture any of the worry and heartache around the subchorionic hematoma, the bleeding or the pPROM (more on that later). I thought to myself that this is what it feels is like to be "normal" and to enjoy "normal" activities that most pregnant women get to enjoy.

I only got to see a few shots right at the end but she will be posting them in a gallery in the next week for me to look at. She promised to air brush away all of my keloid scars for the final prints but will only retouch one or two in the online gallery so I can see and decide how much air brushing we want. I am excited to see them and am grateful that I was able to have them taken to document this period of our lives.

pPROM & The NICU

I have discovered that there is a name for what has happened to me - pPROM stands for pre-term premature rupture of the membranes. It happens in just 1% - 2% of all pregnancies and accounts for about 35% of all pre-term deliveries. There is no known cause (although plenty of speculation regarding inflammation and infection being the culprits) and your chances of having a recurrence of pPROM in a subsequent pregnancy is about 35%.

We also had a tour of the NICU over the weekend and I have to say that I was a little shocked by what we saw. Imagining it is completely different than actually seeing the reality of a NICU. So many teeny tiny babies that look so frail and fragile, all covered in wires and hooked up to all sort of machines. We wanted to tour the NICU prior to delivery to prepare ourselves for what seems to be inevitable at this point. No matter how long my girls stay inside, it looks like there is no way around a stay in the NICU.

I had hoped that the closer to term I got, the less time and the lower the likelihood that they would need special attention in the NICU. I know they will receive excellent care and I know that they are in good hands; this is why we chose this doctor and this hospital. However, I can't escape this feeling that I've already let my girls down by not providing them with a safe place to grow for 9 months. I had my 3rd ultrasound today since being admitted and it revealed even lower levels of fluid for poor little Lefty, the lowest levels yet.

After everything that we went through with IF, I was going to do everything in my power to have the best pregnancy ever. I was going to take good care of them, provide them with all of the nutrients that they needed to grow to be healthy and strong...I was determined to give them the best start in life. Instead, I find myself struggling with the idea that little Lefty is now exposed to the risk of infection and she's squished because she doesn't have a lot of amniotic fluid surrounding her to protect her. Little Lefty is also not able to practice her breathing very well (babies practice their breathing and develop their lungs by inhaling and exhaling the amniotic fluid) and will likely need to be on a ventilator for a while. She will also be put immediately on a course of antibiotics to kill any bacteria she may have been exposed to.

It's all very scary.

I was also reading stories of parents whose kids stayed in the NICU and it was interesting to read because much like you need to mourn the things that IF will rob you of, having a preemie robs you of many of the normal things you would think you get to experience. I likely will not be able to hold my girls right after they are born; we won't be able to share that skin-to-skin contact that they say is so important in the time right after birth, I won't be able to nurse them or comfort them when they cry and I won't be able to take them home with me.

I feel helpless.

Sure, there are a lot of things that the doctors and nurses will be able to do for them, but what will *I* be able to do for them as their mother? Worry? Got that down pat...

For now, the doctors still believe that the girls will benefit from more time inside so I trust them and am trying to keep them in as long as possible. I am also upping my intake of water more than ever to try and help Lefty replenish her amniotic fluid as the doctors did tell me that the levels of fluid could fluctuate.

33w2d and counting...

A Visit From My OB (Finally!)

I finally got to see and speak with my OB yesterday late in the day. He was all dressed up in scrubs so I take it he was between patients at the hospital and took a few minutes to come and see me. He reassured me that he had been monitoring my progress remotely and that he was very happy that we had gotten another 2 weeks gestation after the rupture.

In terms of my burning questions, the number one question was how long was he going to let me go with a ruptured membrane. If you recall, the first doctor I spoke to said a maximum of 34 weeks, the second doctor I spoke with said a minimum of 34 weeks...I just wanted to know where he fell on this 34-37 week continuum because we are talking about a 3 week difference after all. He told me that the longest he would let me go would be 35 weeks and if I didn't go into labour on my own by that point, he would induce by 36 weeks. I asked him if I was doing well and the babies were doing well if we could take it day by day after 36 weeks instead of inducing. He told me that he didn't feel that the risk of going longer would be beneficial because if I were to get an infection at that point, the risk of brain damage to the baby whose sack ruptured was greater than the benefits of remaining in utero. Okay - he had me there...as soon as he said "greater risk of brain damage" I instantly felt more comfortable about induction should it become necessary.

I guess my concerns around being induced is what if these two girls aren't ready to come out and they induce me even though they haven't dropped and my cervix is still long, tight and closed? To me, to be induced under those circumstances sounds like it may result in a long and hard labour during which the babies go into distress and then I'll end up having to have an emergency c-section, something I really want to avoid. I voiced this concern to my doctor and he stated that in his opinion, I would go into labour naturally before then. He also then went on to say that the only reason why he thinks I have been able to carry for so long is because I have ruptured and therefore released some of the pressure in my uterus!! He explained that the bigger my uterus grows, other "receptors" begin to get triggered that will prompt my body to prepare for and go into labour on its own. After all, this is my first close to term pregnancy so nothing has been stretched before and I am basically carrying the equivalent of one 7lb 9oz baby (at last check, weight estimates were 3lbs 14oz & 3lbs 11oz) which is a pretty decent size given I am normally 5' 3" and 130lbs.

At the 35 week mark, it will be Valentine's Day weekend; 36 weeks would put us around February 20th. I hope that I make it that far because I want to minimize the amount of time the girls need to spend in the NICU. During my OB's visit, the Neonatologist also popped in and advised me that no matter when my girls are born (anytime between 33 - 36 weeks), she believes that they will require time in the NICU.

I continue to wonder whether I will know that my body is preparing to go into labour. May women report that they feel that the baby has dropped and they start feeling all sorts of pelvic pressure. A lot of other women report feeling nothing. I am trying to listen to what my body is telling me but at each point when something has happened (subchorionic bleeding, bleeding in 3rd trimester and then the membrane rupture), I have felt perfectly fine and there has been no indication that something out of the ordinary was going to happen. My belly area remains pretty firm most of the time (many nurses have told me that I am "all baby") and my abdominal muscles continue to feel very stretched, almost like I can't stand up straight without pulling something.

Other than that, not much else going on here. Nice and boring, just the way I want it for now! I'm still enjoying the sunshine and the privacy of my own room. We have hired and met with our doula of choice this past week and tomorrow (Sunday), I will be having maternity photos taken at the hospital. That's all for now.

Moved to a Private Room

I'm tired of sounding like a Drama Queen or a Negative Nelly and really, at this point, I am so happy to be in a private room (I was in a semi-private room before). The situation and circumstances that got me here...well, not so great. However, silver lining and positivity first though - I'm in a private room for now!

Our health coverage is only for semi-private rooms and the cost difference between semi and private rooms is $100 per day which would be all OOP for us. I figured if I was here for 4 weeks, that would be at least $2,800, money I would much rather spend on a vacation somewhere with my DH and the kids, not on a hospital room.

Up to now, I've had a wonderful roommate until 2 nights ago when she had a c-section. I know the hospital is a 24 hour operation but she left the room at around dinnertime and the cleaning staff didn't come in until after midnight to clean her side of the room. They turned on all the lights, made lots of noise...hard to ignore that kind of commotion three feet away. Then, they actually checked someone in at 2am in the morning and that new person just had a c-section herself. Now my understanding is that, as a rule, they don't mix pregnant women with women who have had babies but they were so full that they didn't have a choice since they were out of beds. This new roommate was awful. She and her DH stayed in the room, made all sorts of noise moving in and banging into my bed among other things, conversed in normal tones and turned on the TV and left it on all night. Then, the next morning, she was making phone calls at full volume at 7:45am and even turned up the volume on the TV. By this point, having only had a few hours of sleep (and after my bleeding episode the previous night), I was completely irritated and annoyed. I barely got any sleep at all and I was tired and cranky.

I did feel sorry for her because hers was an emergency c-section and her son was just 1lb 9oz and 4 months pre-mature so he will have a long stay in the NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit). However, that doesn't give her the right to be so inconsiderate of others. We are all in the hospital for a reason. I just kept to myself for the morning, hoping and praying that someone was going to be discharged and she would be moved out of the room. By midday, I was starting to feel guilty about feeling so cranky and anti-social and I almost went over to introduce myself but I kept on hearing her DH coughing and then I heard her Mother say that she herself was not feeling well (scratchy throat - feels a cold coming on). Kept the curtains closed. After all, the doctors keep telling me that the biggest risk for the girls and I was the risk of infection and the last thing I want to pick up is a cold.

Early afternoon, a nurse came by to tell me that I was being put into isolation because my roommate was experiencing symptoms of nausea, diarrhea and vomiting (can we say Norwalk?). By being in the same room as her, she had potentially exposed me to any virus or bacteria she herself may have had. I know she did not deliberately do this and that the hospital was full but man was I steamed and my first priority was get away from her as I needed to makes sure I remained infection and virus free. Both of us were then isolated (separately) and that is how I ended up moving into a private room temporarily. Needless to say, I had the best sleep of my life last night and I feel much better this morning.

I'm not sure how long I'll be in a private room as a person from Infectious Disease Control just came in this morning and cleared me so I will likely be moved back into a semi-private room when one becomes available. It was good while it lasted but I could do without any more of those scares. So, grateful for the private room (and the window!) but hoping not to be exposed to any more awful roommates. My DH is also bringing me some ear plugs tonight so hopefully it won't matter how awful they are in the future.