After much contemplation and thought, I have decided to bring this blog to an end. Every time I see the name of this blog, I think to myself "My miracles HAVE come...I'm not waiting anymore". This blog was also something that I did to get through the years of infertility that we suffered. It's a blog about trying to get pregnant and what happens when you finally do.
While infertility has left us scarred for life, I feel that we have had the privilege of moving on with certain aspects of our lives. I still believe that I am infertile...7 years of trying with not one natural pregnancy during that time and a heck of a lot of intervention to become pregnant in the end does not a fertile woman make. I realize though that the things that concern me these days are different and I want to make a clean break from this blog, respecting what it was and is to those who find comfort in my words about the time that I walked through the valley of IF.
I have crossed over to "the other side", but I have not forgotten. Therefore, I want a different place in which to discuss matters that concern me now, respecting that this space was somewhere that I found comfort when I was in treatment and actively cycling.
As I'm sure you have noticed, it has taken me a long time to post my final post about my birth story and I think a large part of my reluctance to do so was that it represented an end to that part of my life ridiculous as it sounds. Those 7 years were among the most painful, most difficult and trying years of my life so it seems absurd that I have a hard time letting that all go. I think that part of it is that after 7 years, I know lots about being infertile and not much about being a parent. For the longest time, IF was who I was and it was such a huge part of what I did on a daily basis.
I'm not that person anymore.
I have grown. I am different. I still bear the scars that IF has etched in my life.
I have not forgotten.
So, in light of those revelations, I will be ending this blog. I am going to create another space and will post details once I have created it.
Thank you a million times over to everyone who has hung in with me and offered me such love and support through all of this. I would not have made it without you all. I hope you join me as I take my first tentative steps down another of life's pathways but I understand if you do not.
It's hard to fathom but all of you, many of whom I have never met and probably never will, are so near and dear to my heart and I am so grateful to have felt your loving cyber hugs and support.
I'm 36 and my wonderful husband is 39. We have been married for 9 years. We tried for 7 long years to conceive and were finally successful in 2010 and are now the proud parents of two baby girls - Victoria & Caitlyn. Our fur-baby Daisy is 6 years old.
Unexplained infertility and maybe some very mild en.do.metri.osi.s. They only ever found a tiny patch of it (2mm) in a laparoscopy but there is a theory out there that I may have microscopic en.dome.tri.osis that can't be seen although produces the same effects (i.e. infertility). There are no male factor issues that we are aware of. I am also referred to as a "poor responder" as I do not produce very many eggs on a high dosage of medication. Although we did immune testing that revealed that I have slightly elevated NK cells and my DH and I are a 50% DQ Alpha match, we chose not to pursue this diagnosis given its contentious nature.
Our Journey So Far...
2000-2002 - newly married and having fun; still using contraceptives - ha!
2003 - tried on our own for 1 year before seeking help
2004 - 2005 - waited months to get into see a RE and then did all sorts of diagnostic testing including laparoscopy; tried OPK, timed intercourse, monitored natural cycles, all the while being reassured that I was still young. Three years after starting to try, along came...
IUI #1 - Jan 2006 - BFN
IUI #2 - Feb 2006 - chemical
IUI #3 - Apr 2006 - BFN
Took a break from treatment and tried Chinese herbs & acupuncture
IVF #1 - Oct 2006 - Long Lupron Protocol; 6 follicles, 4 eggs retrieved & mature, 1 fertilized & transferred on day 3; BFN
Devestated. Took another break from treatment and took a mind/body fertility program.
IUI #4 - Aug 2007 - BFN
IUI #5 - Sept 2007 - BFN
IUI #6 - Oct 2007; BFN
IVF #2 - Jan 2008; Long Lupron Protocol, 7 follicles, 7 eggs retrieved, 3 mature, ICSI, 3 fertilized & transferred on day 3; BFP but m/c at 8 weeks
IVF #3 - May 2008; Antagonist Protocol, 10 follicles, 4 mature + 2 matured overnight = 6 total, ICSI, 2 fertilized & transferred on day 3, BFN
NIVF #1 - July 2008; 1 follicle but the doctor was not able to retrieve the egg so nothing to transfer
**Change to US clinic**
IVF #4 - October 2008; first suppression check failed due to cyst, restarted BCP and then did second suppression check at the end of November 2008; Canadian u/s clinic that did suppression check reported no cyst; hormones were just above acceptable levels but was okayed to start; MDL Protocol converted to Antagonist protocol; 1st check at CCRM revealed a hormone generating cyst, not caught during u/s in Canada prior to departure; cycle cancelled at our option after 6 days of stimulation as we could not do our last cycle knowing that it had been done under less than ideal circumstances
Our Last and Final IVF #5 - EPP Antagonist Protocol; 11 eggs retrieved (best ever!), 8 mature + 2 matured overnight, all ICSI'd, 8 fertilized, 2 good quality blasts (5BB & 2/3) biopsied for microarray testing + 2 really poor quality blasts biopsied as well at our request. Two normals were the result - a 2/3 grade and a 4CB grade. Transferred both and currently pregnant with twins! Estimated due date is February 28, 2010!
2ww - two week wait (between embryo transfer and pregnancy test)
2yw - two year wait
AF - Aunt Flow
AMH - Anti-Mullerian Hormone. This is a hormone emitted by resting follicles so the less follicles you have, the lower the number
ASA - Anti-sperm antibodies
B/W - blood work
BFN - Big fat negative
BFP - Big fat positive!
CCRM - Colorado Centre for Reproductive Medicine
CD - Cycle Day
DD - Dear Daughter
DH - Dear Husband
DOR - Declining Ovarian Reserve
Dr. Sch - Dr. Schoolcraft
DS - Dear Son
DW - Dear Wife
EPP - Estrogen Priming Protocol
FIL - Father In Law
HPT - home pregnancy test
IF - Infertility
IRL - In Real Life
IUI - Intra uterine insemination
IVF - in vitro fertilization
IVFC - IVF Connections Bulletin Boards
LH - Lutenizing Hormone
M/C - miscarriage
MDL - Micro Dose Lupron
MF - male factor
NIVF - Natural IVF (i.e. very little or no drugs)
OPK - Ovulation predictor kits
PG - Pregnant
POAS - Pee on a stick
PUPO - Pregnant until proven otherwise
RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist
TCM - Traditional Chinese Medicine
TTC - Trying to conceive
U/S - ultrasound
Oprah Winfrey Quotes I like
With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice.
Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
You are built not to shrink down to less but to blossom into more.
Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.