Changes

I start work on Monday and I am trying to keep sane about things. Of course, I am trying to get things done that I have been putting off for a while so I won't worry about doing them later so that has turned into a flurry of activity. Cleaning, organizing, filing, keeping our medical expenses up to date - you know, all that kind of stuff.

Today is CD5 and I have been on BCP for 3 days now in preparation for the FET. Lupron shots begin next week and then I wait to get my period after stopping BCP on the 2nd of June. After that, I will finally know when I will be heading back to Denver and I can make travel arrangements and let my new employers know when I need my week off.

I'm trying not to dwell on the FET too much...I have to admit that I am getting pretty scared about the whole thing when I really stop and allow myself to think about it. So much time and money has been invested into this cycle and I am terrified of the pain and heart break if it doesn't work. Like Sue said in her blog, the high success rates of getting a BFP when transferring CGH normal embryos used to give me such hope but the closer I get to my FET, the more my attention seems to get distracted by the small percentage that doesn't work. It's like something I didn't see before but now that I've seen it, I can't stop focussing on it. Can I please just be a part of the big percentage for once? That would be so nice...

I'm still taking my Chinese herbs although I'm sure CCRM would disapprove if they knew. I figure I have nothing to lose at this point and I may as well try to make things as optimal as possible. The goal with both ART and TCM is to create the best environment and the nicest lining for my embryos and I have done it so many times without doing the herbs so this time, I'm going to try doing it WITH the herbs and see what happens. I don't believe that it can hurt and I am so incredibly desperate.

Other than that, nothing else going on. I'm still waiting for my whopper of a tax return refund to come back. We knew they were going to have a fit when they saw $65K of medical expenses for 2008 so we paper filed our return this year and sent them all the documentation up front so they would have it when reviewing our return. That didn't seem to help though. It's been 2 months since we have submitted the return and all we have been told is that it is under special review. Apparently special review has 5 weeks to look through it and we called the day after the 5 weeks was up to find out the status, only to be told that they couldn't do anything except log that we called and put a query on the file. What does the query do? It gives the special review section another 4 weeks to respond to our query. Geez. The frustrating thing is that the supporting medical receipts were all organized in the same order as they were listed on the summary and I even referenced the receipts to the summary so they would have no problems finding everything. I think they're going through each and every expense and trying to disallow something given the size of my refund. There's nothing else we can do except sit and wait.

Sit and wait. Seems we do that a lot around here.