The Agony & The Ecstasy

The Agony: Wondering if you're pregnant
The Ecstasy: Wondering if you're pregnant

It has been 2 weeks since my cycle got cancelled and my nurse predicted that I would get a period right around now. Well, actually, she said I should have gotten one yesterday. It hasn't come and the same debate has started raging on in my head - am I pregnant or am I not? We tried ourselves the old fashioned way when I got home and believe me, I know that there is little to no chance of natural conception since, in the 6 years we have been trying, we have NEVER gotten pregnant naturally on our own. Hence, all of the IF treatment! That being said, it doesn't stop my mind from wandering and wondering if, just this one time, we were actually successful??? Wouldn't that be a Christmas miracle???

We thought that since there were about 4 follicles that were growing and that my body was ready to ovulate on its own (we knew this because Dr. Sch had prescribed a drug in the last few days before my cycle was cancelled which suppressed my natural LH surge which would have triggered ovulation), we would just try and see what happenned. We thought we had 4x the chances of conceiving and why not since there are no known reasons why we shouldn't be able to, right? Even the miniscule increase in possibility is enough to get my hopes fluttering up ever so optimistically.

Fast forward 2 weeks and still I haven't gotten my period so the wondering begins. I am in tune with all of the little twinges and pangs that my body has during any given day and each one causes a hopeful little leap in my heart and the question "Am I pregnant?" to pop up in my mind. I was quick to Google my question to see if anyone else experienced the same thing after a cancelled cycle and found out that yes, there are others that went a long time without having a period after a cancelled cycle. So, the possibilities are twofold - 1) I am truly late because I'm pregnant (!) or 2) I'm just late because my poor body has been through too much and is screwed up from all the meds I've taken. I would prefer the former explanation but it is likely going to be the latter.

Sure, I could take a HPT and find out by POAS...but those sticks are evil. I have had more than my fair share of run ins with negative HPTs and I have promised myself that the next time I purchase one, it will be because I'm late. They're not cheap either and at $18 a pop (plus tax - don't forget that us Canadians like to slap on a 13% tax on top of most things!) I am tired of wasting the money only to find out a few days later that yes, it truly was a negative. Why spend the money when patience will tell you the answer for free?

I start looking for other corroborating "evidence". So far, the list is short and consists of 1) breast tenderness and 2) BBT on the higher side for me at 97.5 for the past 2 days.

I just want to know!! Someone please tell me!!!

So I wait here, wondering if the tenderness in my breasts is from a hormonal imbalance of the body or of the mind. Go figure...