My DH and I are going out tonight for our first Christmas gathering of friends and years ago this would be something that we would have looked forward to very much. However, after everything that we've been through this year and the most recent cycle cancellation, our hearts are just not into the whole holiday cheer. Even as I type that, my thought is "how pathetic does that sound?" and I realize that there is a heavy helping of "poor us" included...but Christmas represents another marker in the year, another sign post that signifies that 2008 is coming to an end and we are no further ahead in our quest to become parents.
Christmas is also more about the kids and not so much the adults and it is a powerful reminder of what should have been for us this year and isn't. This year started off on such a high note with my first BFP ever and if I hadn't had the miscarriage, our DS or DD would have been a month and a half old at Christmastime. The realization is depressing.
It's not that we don't want to see our friends, we do, but we are living in constant fear that someone will make the announcement that should have been ours to make, blithely ignorant of the fact that it just isn't that easy for all of us. Don't get me wrong, I am not wishing IF on anyone. I just wish there was increased sensitivity around the holidays and an understanding why sometimes we don't want to take part in things. Sometimes saying "no" means "no" to the situation and not "no" to a friendship. It would be nice if that could be universally understood.
I know on the ride down to the restaurant, we will be going through the guest list and telling ourselves that this couple may be expecting or that couple may be making an announcement. We will talk about the probabilities of couples being pregnant based on factors such as 1) length of time married 2) explicitly expressed desire to have kids 3) age of any existing children 4) have they travelled this year and is it enough before settling down 5) age of DH and DW and any other factors we can think of. In the end, I think that we should just assume that anyone who is married could be making an announcement and to accept that this is a possibility.
So the question becomes, how would I want to be told? I guess the big thing would be that I would NOT want to be surprised in any way, shape or form. A straight forward statement would suffice. Nothing cutesy. Even better if I could find out ahead of time, have my own reaction in private and then publicly be able to put a smile on my face and be able to say the right things.
So anyone want to bet there will be at least one announcement tonight?
For Good
12 years ago
5 comments:
I'm not a betting woman, but I sure hope you are surprised and it's a big fat ZERO of announcements tonight. That would be nice, wouldn't it?
This whole quest and process is so hard, so emotionally draining, and anyone who hasn't lived it simply can't comprehend that. But you said it well--saying no to a situation and not a friendship.
I hope you have a nice time tonight, all things considered. Good for you guys for just getting out there and going--you know my motto: fake it til you make it!
Hey DAVs - love the motto! Maybe I should use it to fake my Christmas cheer and perhaps I'll actually feel it before the 25th!
So to update my post, can you believe that there were NO ANNOUNCEMENTS last night?! I have to admit I was checking out all the ladies as they arrived and breathed a sigh of relief as all the flat tummies filed into the restaurant. So all in all, it was a fun evening and a IF safe outing.
Hey DAVs and kayjay, that's been MY motto for years now! And I'm not sure how much longer I can fake it. I feel like I want to explode sometimes. Oops. Sorry, I meant to comment about your post. Anyway, I'm glad to hear that there were no announcements. Yay! May 2009 be YOUR year!! :)
Hi
I am known as Judah03 on ivfconnections. I SO can identify with ALOT of what you have written about your struggles with trying to keep the faith through the struggle with IF. I too no longer go to church (this struggle is part of the reason, but I've also had some issues with the church I used to attend).
Anyway, I still pray - but not as much - and encourage my sister and close friends to pray for me because many times I just don't have the will to do so.
As for where God is in this journey - I don't know - I don't know. I read a chapter in a book recently "IF:Finding God's Peace through the journey" - wherein the author talked about feeling blessed despite IF. She also said that each of us is on our own journey. You will only become who you are meant to become and learn the lessons you are supposed to learn BECAUSE of your IF journey. For some reason that did give me some peace. Several of the books chapters were very good (the author had endured IF as well)however, I didn't exactly agree with her views on IVF....maybe you can look the book up.
As for Christmas - 'bah, humbug'. I am SO not into Christmas this year. If I do anything it WILL be to go to church - but all that decoration, celebrating, presents etc - count me out.
Take Care.
Oops, sorry I posted this comment in the wrong place. I have re-posted where I meant it to be.
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