I'm Charlotte - Who Are You?

I promise, this post is not such a downer as my others have been :).

This week, I watched all of the episodes again from Season 6 of Sex and the City ("SATC"), you know, the ones where Charlotte and Harry are still pursuing the rest of their family. I teared up when Charlotte revealed that she had 2 failed IVFs after a weekend call from her RE who tells her that "none of [her] eggs are viable". This on top of her ASA diagnosed when she was with Trey. I cried when Charlotte suffered her m/c and my heart broke when the birth parents for their domestic adoption said that they changed their minds about giving up their baby for adoption and that only reason they wanted to meet Charlotte & Harry was so that they could see New York.

Look, I know that this is only a TV show and that this is not real life. That acupucture session Charlotte had was purely cosmetic in nature! I guess what struck me this time around as I watched the episodes was that Charlotte made a choice. She chose not to be a victim of the crappy hand that life dealt her regarding IF. She didn't stop trying and looking and being open to alternative ways in which she could get what she wanted. Even when Harry was in dispair, she simply told him that they hadn't found their baby yet.

I have not been as strong in my own life. I have turned down an invitation to a baby shower and there was no scene for me where I don a hot pink Elizabeth Taylor outfit and sunglasses and show up in the end. Nah ah. I was at home, hiding. I have also been very reluctant to consider adoption until now, mainly out of fear and my inability to give up the desire to have a child genetically linked to me. Only now do we consider adoption as a means of keeping our hopes and dreams of bringing a child into our family alive as we face the end of our IVF treatment. I have avoided seeing pregnant friends and I cringe when I think about any announcements that will be forthcoming.

The quote at the top by Oprah Winfrey I chose because it was to remind me that I do indeed have a choice, if nothing else, than a choice about my attitude. I find that I am not yet willing to give up my hope. There have been some dark days where I have sunk to the very bottom of the hole but I remind myself that I can always choose my attitude and that I need to actively make that choice every day. There is a time that we all need to wallow, cry, scream at the injustice of this all. I did that. Now, it is time to pick myself up and make a choice. I can choose to be a victim of IF or I can choose to simply reach out and take what I want from life rather than sitting here waiting for it to come to me. Like Charlotte. She created what she wanted with the tools she had at her disposal and she never gave up.

Often it is said that art imitate life but in my case, it is life imitating SATC. I'm definitely Charlotte - who are you?