For quite some time now, I've been turning over in my mind the idea of adopting a child since we are nearing the end of our ART journey. Most of the time, I like to know what's coming next and I found that I needed to know that we had options if we walked away from IVF. I am the consummate planner although in this case, I have shied away from thinking about adoption for a long time because the thought terrified me. It was always my Plan B, you know, the one we would never have to seriously think about executing because Plan A was always going to work. I also felt that by considering adoption, I was jinxing any current cycle because I was not thinking positive enough thoughts and assuming failure.
Even if we finally have a child through IVF, I think a lot of the time now that I would still like to adopt a second child. I doubt I will have any totsicles left over, I will be older if we try IVF again and I'm sure I'll have an even dimmer prognosis than ever. Besides, the altrustic nature of adoption has always appealed to both my DH and I.
My DH was watching a program about adoption and the older children that are still in the system and he said that his heart was touched by what these kids were saying. They always tried really, really hard to be "cute" or "lovable" but couples always chose the younger children. These kids suffered disappointment after disappointment, much like how we have suffered disappointment after disappointment doing IVF. Wouldn't it be so wonderful to end that cycle of disappointment for one another? I wonder if I have the courage.
I also think to myself about how much I LOVE my fur-baby Daisy. She has provided me with so much comfort over the last few years as we have struggled along this road and I couldn't imagine our lives without her. I know that I can't give birth to a dog so I accept that the only way that we can have one is if we adopt one. I wish that I could just as easily accept, if this really the case, that I can't give birth to a child as well and embrace the idea of adopting. Of course, the big difference here is that humans do not give birth to dogs but history has proven, time and time again, that the human race can and does give birth to our own babies...just not us...yet. This idea of procreation is so deeply entrenched in every pore of my being and this makes it hard for me to accept any other truth.
Today, I summoned up the courage to investigate on the internet about adoption. The idea no longer terrifies me as much and I can think about it and consider it rationally. What I found was so disappointing and very disheartening, it almost makes me want to keep doing IVF! I always knew that the wait times were very long and getting longer by the minute and a "quick" adoption would be a minimum of 18 months. Again, like with IVF, the waiting never ends. So, after we finish with IVF #5 in June of 2009 and get the ball rolling immediately with an international adoption, we are looking at least as far out as the very end of 2010 or early in 2011. How depressing is that? And meanwhile, there are endless news reports about starving and abandoned children in the world who need homes...
I don't have a lot of details yet but my understanding is that, in Canada, you can only pursue international adoption with one country at a time. If you get on the waiting list for Thailand for example, and midway through your waiting period they change the rules and close their borders, you have to get in line for another country and your wait time begins AGAIN. No credit for time already spent waiting.
Anyway, this is what I read this morning that utterly depressed me:
China: "...will no longer accept files for the mainstream China program..."
Korea: "This program is only available to Ontario residents. This program now full for 2009. The Call Back is full for 2010."
Vietnam: "Please Note: Due to the backlog of files currently in this program...[we] will, regrettably, be unable to accept any new applications for this program until further notice."
Thailand: "Please Note: This program is now full for 2008, 2009 and 2010."
I'm discouraged. I feel beaten. Right now, it feels like we're going to be old and grey before we have our family. Before this, I couldn't imagine anything worse than the 2ww but now, there is something called the 2yw.
And here I thought things couldn't get worse...
6 years ago